Undercover Mother

Tip: Cover up scratches on wood furniture by rubbing a walnut diagonally across the scratch.

I have children, thus we have a whole lot of scratches on every piece of furniture we own. I don’t know how this happens. I would assume it is not on purpose, but I also assume that my kids will remember something the first time I tell them.  Our kitchen table bears the brunt of the wear and tear, as that is where the meals get served and eaten, the homework gets done and the art projects come to life.

As a part-time working mom, my brain is pretty much void of good ideas, as most of them get used up just putting the kid’s lunches together in the morning. My attempt to correct the mess is to cover it all up with a dark tablecloth to hide the damage, which has suited me just fine in the past. However, my alter ego, Undercover Mother, has access to research that may make me seem not only resourceful but has the potential to make me the envy of my neighbors!

Now, honestly, if you saw my kitchen table, you would be asking yourself why I was even bothering with trying to remove a scratch.  The rest of the table is covered with scorch marks where we forgot to use hotpads, gouges from, well, I really don’t know what, and some type of glitter super glue that managed to seep through the four layers of newspaper and permanently stain the table (so glad we were playing with that product with our bare hands).  However, I am on a quest for information, so for now, let’s forget the fact that my table is a lost cause and focus on the tip I found!

Tip specifics

So I watched a video on how to do this, and it sure looked simple. Put the walnut (pecans, almonds and Brazil nuts also work; just be sure to leave the shell behind) in your hand, rub it diagonally across the scratch, use your finger to generate some warmth into the area you just rubbed, wait a few minutes and then use a soft cloth to rub it out. Simple, right?

I chose two spots on my table and set to work, one was a fine, thin scratch and the other one was thicker and shorter. How lucky am I to have so many to choose from? After rubbing the walnut as instructed across the scratches for a few minutes, I then used my index finger to rub the areas. After about 10 minutes I returned with a soft cloth and rubbed both areas.  

True or bull?

Bull. Both areas looked the exact same, and I did not see any difference in the scratches at all. What I do see now is a giant, filmy smear that the oil from the walnuts left behind, even after wiping with my fancy dust cloth.

Undercover Mother revelations

The video sure made it look good, the same way Pampers makes changing a diaper look fun. I would have been thrilled to have this work because I really can’t afford a new table, nor do I want one with #1 and #2 using it as a landing pad. So for now, the tablecloth will go back on and the scratches will be erased, at least from my mind.

Tip: Use Dawn & vinegar to remove soap scum.

When I was laid off from working full-time, I also laid off my cleaning lady. This was an extremely painful process for me, similar to cutting off a much-used body part. There is nothing like coming home to a sparkling clean house: the vacuumed floors, the smell of cleaning products still in the air, and the sparkling bathrooms. 

I can handle running a vacuum and I am not above spraying cleaning supplies right before someone comes over so I can at least say, “Oh, I forgot you were stopping by. I was just cleaning my house.” Getting my bathrooms to sparkle is something I have never been able to master, especially the glass shower doors. In my new role as Undercover Mother I went in search for a useful tip, and I came up with an organic cleaning solution using Dawn dish soap and vinegar.

Tip specifics

Heat 1/2 cup of white vinegar, pour into a spray bottle, add 1/2 cup blue Dawn and shake gently. Spray on soap scum stain. Let set for a few hours. Wipe clean with a sponge and warm water.

Preparation

Before you start, please don’t make the same mistake I do, and get your supplies ready.  Nothing takes the wind out of my sails (or the gump out of my gumption) like realizing partway into a project that I am missing something and I need to go to the store.

Be sure you have:

• White vinegar
• Dawn dish soap
• Spray bottle
• Funnel
• Sponge or rag

Since you need to heat the vinegar, you really want the funnel, so when you dump the warmed vinegar into the spray bottle you don’t burn your hand or miss the dime-sized hole and spill it all over the counter.

Here we go

The initial tip I received said to spray it on and leave it on for hours. For some people this is fine, but I want to know how long it should really be left on for 2 reasons: To ensure I am not going to damage the glass by leaving it on too long, and because I would like to time my hard labor with my husband walking in the door and seeing me work on this tedious chore. I don’t expect flowers , but I would like a positive check on the list he runs in his head to help balance the times he walks through the door just as I have sat down for the first time all day. Upon further Googling, I discovered 2 hours is the appropriate time for the task at hand (which is just perfect because I can finish folding that load of laundry that has tumbled in the dryer 9 times to keep it from wrinkling AND go catch up on an episode of Mad Men).

True or bull?

True. After 2 hours of waiting and then scrubbing it off, I would say the soap scum is about 90% gone, but not completely. A bit disappointing given the time I invested, but it still looks 90% better than it did before, so let’s focus on the glass being half (or 90%) full, and I am going to claim success! I would recommend mixing this each time you are going to use it, as the heated vinegar seems to be key. 

Undercover Mother’s revelations

This tip is great for when you are doing serious cleaning and have an extra 2 hours to burn while the mixture has time to work. For those of us “normal” moms that have a hundred things to do in any given day and have not quite mastered time travel, a quick fix would suit us best. Some of us are more bothered by soap scum than others, so my advice is, if it bothers you a lot, plan your other chores around this every other week and then bask in the glow of your shiny glass doors.  For the rest of you, just keep doing what you are doing and don’t let anyone use that bathroom!